So I've been cleaning old files from my computer. Not ancient files, mind you, but files that I would say were about five years old or newer. Mostly teacher stuff that I don't need anymore, or old Word documents of poems that I've never placed on hard copy.
Of course, when rambling through old things, the past inevitably pops up. And in this case it was unsettling. I found old IM conversations and pictures from a person I dearly loved what seems a lifetime ago. A person that broke my heart and utterly disappeared off the face of the world with no explanation. As I perused the words of old IM conversations, I was brought back to a much different reality that exists presently only as a flickering dream. I could almost hear certain Relient K songs and Halo game sounds playing in the background as my heart started to crack.
Yes, I am over this person. But the hurt and longing for a love that thank God was never meant to be came flooding in like a hurricane. This strong, independent woman was reduced to a mountain of crying and shaking shoulders. Pitiful, I know. However, I'm striving to be transparent. As I raised my head to gather myself in the truth that God has me in the palm of His hand, the "shuffle" function on my iTunes came to the song "Someday" by LaRue. Wow. How ironic. And as the song ended it's final progression into the last verse, I could sense God's presence reminding me that not all is lost. This is not the final chapter. What looks like an ending only ushers a beginning. God can not give you something new if you are hanging onto the dead things of yesterday.
So, as I am reminded tonight, I am letting go of the past to allow God to work in my present-whatever, wherever, whenever, and with whomever- I close with one of my favorite places in Scripture-Isaiah 43:18-19: "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland".