With it being almost 2 a.m., and I'm still thinking deep thoughts, it seems that I'm the one that needs to buy a watch. But deep ramblings I am apt to do, especially when something is on my subconscious. However, right now, its very much on my conscious.
I've just picked up Streams in the Desert, and read the following verse for today: "In the shadow of His hand he hid me; he made me into a polished arrow and concealed me in his quiver." Isaiah 49:2 Lately, I've been wrestling with God about something. Knowing I should do one thing, all the while tempted to accept something that may be less than His best. As I read that verse it makes me wonder why after polishing an arrow that one would want to conceal it. And while this verse has a context all its own, it challenges me in a way that really hits home with me now. God is continually working on me, polishing me into the woman He wants me to be. And sometimes I wonder when He's gonna use me. I feel as if I'm being put back into the quiver. Yikes. Sometimes I have some nerve. But then, that's me. And I always have some type of contrary thought about the way things should be.
It's amazing to realize that just because something seems good, we should have it, or it should happen right now. My timing is not God's timing. Just when I think I have it all figured out, God again challenges my logic. And while I think He's challenging my logic, He's actually challenging my faith. And my faith in Him that He really knows what He's doing. As I pray about this gut wrenching topic that haunts me to the core, God is always there to listen, to console, and yet always challenges me with the question: how much do you really trust Me?
There are times when I absolutely say, "Alot!" and there are times when I know I'm not exercising faith. Faith I need when things seem not go the way I want them too. Faith when my eyes fall from the only Man I need to have my eyes on. A friend once told me "Keep your eyes on Jesus, He is worthy of your gaze." It's when I get my eyes on what I may never have, or may not have yet, instead of the One Who is my everything.
So, as I go to sleep with questions, one answer still reverberates through my mind, "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen..." Because many times it's not that we don't have the faith to receive what seems impossible at the moment, but faith in the One Who's gonna do it Do I have faith like that? I have no choice but to trust in Someone Who knows what's gonna happen next, because I surely do not.